Sunday, 18 September 2011

Metamorphosis, or why you should not share a teleporter with a shark

Ladies and gentlemen, I will be the first to say that I was thrilled when I disovered the CG Arts and Animation department had their very own teleporter, and rushed to try it out. Unfortunately, there has been a slight mishap. One of my particularly clumsy colleagues (you know who you are) rushed into the room as I was teleporting, brandishing a very large example of Carcharodon carcharias, better known as the great white shark. This is a transcript of what transpired drawn from security footage.

Colleague: Dude, check out this sick shark!
Me: Where the hell did you get that?
Colleague: Bought it at a car boot sa-AAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH
[Colleague trips, sending the shark flying into the teleporter as it activates]

As a result, my very genes have been combined with those of the shark. In light of my situation, which appears to be rather common among freshers, I have researched the shark to better understand my other half, as it were. As it seems most of my colleagues have undergone a similar fate, the tutors have decided to make the best of the situation and assign a comparitive anatomy project based on it.

Rather like myself, the great white shark is often blamed for a lot of trouble it doesn't actually cause. Widely regarded as a man-eater courtesy of the movie Jaws, there have only been 249 unprovoked great white attacks since records began. To put this in context, there have been a total of 2320 unprovoked shark attacks worldwide. They are surprisingly curious and try to identify strange objects. Unfortunately their main way of doing this is with their teeth, which is the reason for most attacks on humans.

Also like myself, great whites tend to look like murderous psychopaths when they 'smile'. 

The great white is best known for its teeth, which constantly wear out and are replaced. says they have 3000 teeth, but I'm unconvinced so I'm taking it with a grain of salt. Adults weigh in at around 680-1100kgs (1500-2400lbs) (HowStuffWorks claims they can come in at 2000kgs/4500lbs - still not convinced) and the females (which are generally larger than the males) can grow up to 5m (16') long, making them the largest predatory fish alive.

I, on the other hand, am 5'4", bespectacled and mostly harmless. Let's see how this turns out.

1 comment:

  1. *In light of my situation, which appears to be rather common among freshers* :D

    Meg - this post made me 'laugh out loud'. You write very engagingly, with a comedic lightness of touch, and that's very welcome on CGAA. Yes - I know, how clumsy and unfortunate that an entire shark should happen to fall into your teleportation pod. Oh well, elsewhere, I think it happened with a giraffe. The health and safety on CGAA is pretty shocking, Anyway - it is with glee and some trepidation that I await the genetic consequences of this laboratory cock-up... be amazed/be amazing!